Detective Washburn's Second Slew of ScrewUps
by wild-lotus
Summary: (Taxi) what happens to poor washburn's delicate sanity when both of his only friends move away? my first ever fic, please R&R! the summary's lame, BTW


**Detective Washburn's Second Slew of Screw-ups**

**Disclaimer: As you probably already know, I do not own _Taxi_ or the rights, Andy Washburn, Belle, Marta, Jimmy Fallon, Queen Latifah, Jennifer Esposito, or anything else from the movie _Taxi_, nor am I affiliated with any of these people (although I wish I knew Jimmy Fallon, the greatest and funniest guy on the planet. Call me obsessed!). However, I do own myself, unless my mother secretly sold me to the government, and I plead any readers of this story not to seal my ideas.**

Andy Washburn had become one of the finest undercover cops in New York ever since Belle had helped him overcome his driving problem. There were constantly front page articles about his many daring escapades (good press, not like the front-page articles about him he was used to), and things had been going great for him until he found out his boss (and ex), Marta, was going out with some guy who was moving to LA. Of course, she was moving with him. Marta broke the news to Washburn after their latest drug bust while they were finishing some long-overdue paperwork.

"Sorry Washburn, but you'll have to get along without me," Marta said gently, trying to console him unsuccessfully.

"That's not what I'm angry about, Marta. I mean, come on, I can easily handle anything anyone throws at me. I'm a mean, lean, fighting machine! What bugs me is that I know you're just playing hard to get. Marta, you don't have to hide your feelings from me. C'mon, you know you want a piece of Da Burnmeister!" said Washburn, completely oblivious to the fact that you can't refer to yourself as "Da ANYTHINGmeister" without looking like a nerd.

"Washburn, how can you even SUGGEST that I have feelings for you?! There are five very simple reasons why I would NEVER date you again! Number ONE, I broke up with you years ago, and when it's over, it's over. Number TWO, our personalities are complete opposites. Number THREE, you're a self centered egomaniac. Number FOUR, you live NEXT DOOR TO YOUR MOTHER AND ARE A PATHETIC, SNIVELLING MOMMA'S BOY, and number FIVE, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! Those clear enough for you, Washburn"?! Marta was breathless and steaming mad by the end of her rant.

"Clear as crystal, Marta. I totally speak woman. When you say you broke up with me and it's over, you MEAN you wish you hadn't ended our relationship and you're dying to be with me. When you say we have opposite personalities, you mean we go together like PB&J! When you say I'm a self centered egomaniac, you mean that I'm the most devilishly handsome, intelligent, and exceedingly humble man you've ever met. Now, I can't argue with that living next door to my mom thing, but when you say I'm a momma's boy, you mean I'm so reckless it scares you. Finally, when you say you have a boyfriend, you mean that you want me to be your boyfriend. I can see right through your lies, Marta, and trust me; I can understand your feelings for me. Heck, if I was a girl, I'd probably have a crush on me! But to tell you the truth, Marta, the feeling's mutual".

Marta just stared at Washburn, dumbfounded, mouth hanging open for about 10 seconds. Then she snapped out of it.

"Just forget it, Washburn. I've got to fill out some paperwork, and then I'm outta here for today. See ya later". Marta left looking defeated and tired.

Washburn stood there for a while as a sly grin crept onto his face.

"Oh, yeah. She is SO into me".

When Washburn left the police station, he was feeling rather glum. He was starting to realize that Marta might actually be telling the truth. Andy decided to confide in his most loyal (and pretty much only) friend, Belle.

Andy took a bus over to Belle's place. He didn't think even Natalie Cole could help him relax enough tonight to drive, and he never took taxis anymore. They could never get him where he wanted as fast as Belle could. Andy had so many things worrying his poor little head that he didn't even notice that he got on the wrong bus.

"Aw, man, I got on the wrong bus!" Washburn later realized.

"Oh, well. I'll just call a taxi, I guess," he sighed. Washburn got off on the next stop, and was looking around for a pay phone when he heard a blood-curdling scream.

Andy whipped around and saw a young woman kicking and struggling to get away from two large, muscular young males who appeared to be attacking her.

Thinking quickly, and looking oh-so-dashing while doing so, Washburn ran and grabbed one of the men off of the girl, but paused to watch as the fetching female proceeded to beat the other man senseless. Snapping back to reality, Washburn did some karate kicks, judo chops, and drunken punches on the man he had grabbed.

"Thanks so much for saving my life," said the young woman gratefully. She was quite lovely, in shy, unassuming way. She had short, choppy dark brown hair with those long bangs everyone was sporting these days. Nothing special about that. What separated her looks from all the other blue-eyed brunettes were her eyes. They were almond shaped, with a golden-brownish green colour with flecks of red in them, and they were beautiful.

"Wait a minute, oh my God! You're Andy Washburn!" she exclaimed rather loudly (let's say, about, 100 decibels too loud?).

"Yeah, yeah, formerly NYC's worst driver, I know! Please, just save the jokes, okay? I can assure you, I've heard them all," replied Andy in a defensive tone. He was starting to think everyone in the universe had heard about his all too many driving accident, including aliens. How else could he explain those strange crop circles in his apartment building's yard?

"Oh, no, that's not what I meant at all! In police academy, we heard about all your drug busts and all that. I've looked up to ever since I started training to become a police officer, and now that I am a cop, I can't believe I've finally met you! It's really awesome to meet you in person," reassured the young woman.

"Oh, really? Wow! I mean, er.....well, hey, you obviously know my name, but I don't know yours. What is it?" replied Washburn sheepishly.

"It's Karli. Karli Fallon," said Karli, holding out a hand to shake. Washburn shook it. "By the way, thanks for saving me from those goons. I was looking for a decent, inexpensive hotel, but I'm not very familiar with the city yet," added Karli gratefully.

"You need a place to stay? I know the city pretty well, so I'm pretty sure I could think of a place where you could stay. I was heading over to my friend Belle's place, so you could tag along and then I would definitely be able to find a place for you to stay temporarily. That is, if it's okay with you?" stated Washburn hopefully. He was praying that Karli could be a good friend to him, one thing he was running low on these days.

"Oh, of course. Only if you're sure you don't mind, that is," replied Karli. She was still in awe over the fact that she was meeting her one idol.

"No, no, not at all! Hey, where's your suitcase?" asked Andy quizzically.

"The airport lost it," sighed Karli. "oh well, I'm sure I'll be able to find everything I need here, right"?

"Sure," agreed Andy. "Now, just hold on a sec. I've gotta call a taxi to come get us"!

A/N: This is my first **EVER** fanfic, so please be kind, rewind! Sorry, I couldn't resist! Seriously, I am in desperate want of reviews, so if you do read this story, just click a few buttons and send me a review. Constructive criticism is accepted, but no flames at all please!!! My therapist has told me that I'm on the verge of a psychotic rampage and anything might set me off! BLEAHHHHH!


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